A thought to share

Kyle & friend celebrating

First of all I hope that everyone has had a good Christmas and you have cherished your friends and family  near and far.  I have been enjoying various posts and pictures friends of mine have been sharing on FB.  I have been enjoying my Mom's company this Christmas.  We've had laughs and tears but we have made it through the first Christmas without my dad.  I will admit that Christmas day and the day after; went on a shopping spree with my mom; were a great way to distract me from my cancer and the treatment associated with it.  It was great fun for both of us watching Kyle, my four year old, get so wound up for Christmas and opening presents that he almost didn't know what to do with himself. Excited, happy people are a great mood lifter for anyone.  




Today as I was in the shower and I was all. by. myself. and I didn't get the typical kiddo interruption. I had a thought that I wanted to share.  Christmas is a great time of blessing.  Now some people would agree with me on a superficial basis or even nod their heads sagely thinking they know what I mean but let me clarify.  Christmas is when we celebrate the birth of Jesus even though many of us know He was born in a different season.  I was thinking this morning of not only the gift of God's Son on this Earth but of the other gifts that Jesus has given us and myself specifically.

Round 4 of Chemo was very rough for me this time.  I had a day where I stayed in bed for the remainder of the day especially since I pushed it earlier in the day.  I was pretty sick actually.  The next few days I was pretty weak and I had an MRI coming up and I was hoping a very small hope that the doctor would come back and say that I wouldn't need anymore chemo.  I really wanted to be done with it especially since round 4 was so bad and I was not looking forward to rounds 5 & 6.  The side effect of chemo are cumulative so basically since round 4 was pretty bad, rounds 5 & 6 will be worse.  I don't want to go through that.  The MRI results were positive.  The doctor said about a 50-75% reduction in the size of the tumor. Yea!! Good news!!  However, I still have to go through rounds 5 & 6. Bummer.  The kicker is if the doctor thought round 4  was enough they still go 2 rounds beyond the effective round as insurance. SIGH.  I will do it and I'll get through it.  I'm just not looking forward to it.  

Then it hit me this morning, Jesus KNOWS what I am going through.  He experienced physical pain when He was beaten.  He went through physical weakness when He had to carry the cross down the roadway and to Golgotha. He also experienced reluctance and emotional misgivings/weakness to go through an upcoming painful experience the night in the garden of Gethsemane.  He hasn't experienced the exact same things I am going through but He has experienced more than I have.  This realization gives me encouragement and strength to continue on even when I don't want to and even though I am dreading the side effects.  I can do this.  I have to.  The treatment is working and I want the cancer gone. So time for a deep breath and a prayer.  Monday is round 5 and I will be there.  



Cancer treatment is a journey and like all journeys, it does have an end.  I will be there at the end and I will make it to the end of it, ready to start another journey and to continue the interrupted journey of school.