SO it begins....

So it is official.  I will be starting chemotherapy on Monday, October 8th.  I will also be starting the therapy for the HER2 protein, this therapy last for a year.  I am still having day surgery on Thursday (10/11)) to put the port-a-cath in.  Side effects of chemo - I will lose my hair, nausea, fatigue, some possible bone density issues. Oh, also early onset menopause.  I suppose I could be happy about no more periods - eventually but I will still have to deal with whatever effects of going through menopause my body decides to give me on top of everything else!!!  Sheesh!  I am debating on what to do about the hair: cut it all off now, or go short then hairless, or let the remainder fall out? I do definitely think before and after pictures are in order. I will have chemo treatments every three weeks and the Dr. says usually 6 treatments but could be a minimum of four. If it is six treatments then that puts me roughly at the end of December before a lumpectomy would be planned.  So it looks like I will probably be taking a full year off from school since there will be radiation treatments after the lumpectomy (5-6 weeks) and they can be fatiguing.  At this point I am not really sure I am processing this.  I find it interesting that sometimes it isn't the big things associated with cancer that gets me emotional but it is the little things such as losing my hair or not being able to go to school or not being able to fully take care of my family. 

OUCHIES!!!!!

Let me make something perfectly clear - I hate needles!!!!! How ironic is it that I get "sick" with something that is treated with lots and lots of needles.  I think I will be glad for the port.  Yesterday, I got two pokes, blood draw (two vials) and a flu shot.  Tomorrow, I have another blood draw to prep for the surgery plus some other tests. Sigh, there are just times that wrapping my head around all that is going to happen during the next year makes my head wobble.  I will be glad when I don't have to keep repeating the "discovery" of my lump to medical professionals but the repetition has honed the story down.  

I am going to Women of Faith tomorrow with a great, awesome girlfriend of mine and we are both looking forward to this so very much.  I always look forward to WOF but this year it is more needed than ever before especially after everything that has happened this August/September.  I don't know what message God has for me in the next two days but I know He always has a message for me during WOF.  In addition to that, I have always been uplifted and re-energized emotionally and spiritually when I go to WOF.  This years theme is "Celebrate what Matters" and I hope that I remember to celebrate fully in the next year and not get bogged down in an emotional morass that sometimes likes to creep up on me.  I've had others tell me that I am positive about my situation but I don't know how much of that is just me accepting the fact I HAVE breast cancer and this is just another thing I have to deal with or putting a brave face on.  I suppose I could wallow in misery in this but ugh that is so not who I am.  I am praying that this weekend that will be spent focusing on God will bolster me through my treatment process.  

Already, I've had people who I either know closely or remotely offer help or just simply prayers and best wishes.  I've also been told by people that either I or my husband know that a woman they know- wife, sister, best friend, themselves; were diagnosed with BC and offer help or information about resources they used during their time of treatment and I am grateful to all.  Looking back on the two years I've lived here I can see that God was slowly building up a network of support for my family and me even though I thought I was not making many friends.  I am ashamed that it took something like this for me to clearly see how many people do care about me.  We may not be best friends but we are friends and they care.  You see when I moved away from Arizona, it was difficult to leave the many friends I had there, and being in a new place where I knew no one was difficult.  I started reaching out through various means but because of my past history of being a military brat I reverted to holding back a part of myself in order to protect myself for the inevitability of moving again and leaving friends behind, yet again. In holding back I failed to recognize that others do care for me and are my friends.  So even before my Women of Faith weekend begins, I Celebrate those who are my friends no matter the kind of friendship we have because my friends and family are worthy of Celebrating because you matter to me. Always. 

Friends help those stand whose strength has fled until they can stand strong again